Dragon's Crown PS3 PS Vita E3 2011 trailer

Now this game completely slipped by me at this years E3. Dragon's Crown is the latest game from the team that brought you Odin Sphere, and it look staggeringly good. 2D, hand drawn graphics, a homage to games like Golden Axe and Capcom's Dungeons and Dragons....but it looks a whole lot better. Breathtaking in fact. I'm sold on this game already. It apparently has some kind of cross gaming compatibility between PS3 and PsVita.....so that's something i'll never experience.

It looks beautiful, I just can't stop watching it. And it's not because of the size of the sorceress's tits either. I mean...really though....they can't make casting spells easy. Mind you, if she was attacking me I wouldn't really care what spell she was casting!

Dragon's Crown is scheduled for release in Spring 2012.

Silent Hill Downpour Official E3 Trialer

The new E3 video for Konami's Silent Hill downpour has hit, and it looks......well....a bit like Silent Hill.

I haven't touched a Silent Hill game since The Room, so i'm cautiously optimistic about this. I shouldn't be, as that trailer scared the shit out of me. That weird thing coming towards him on the train thing at the end.....uuurrggghh.....

E3 2011.....Microsoft and Sony.

You can't dodge the fact that E3 has arrived. Like a vast videogame ebola virus E3 has swept over every gaming site known to man. Both Microsoft and Sony had their conferences yesterday and they showed their wares to all. Now i'm not going to go in depth here, sites bigger than mine have minute by minute run downs of every nuance of the shows, so i'm not going to go into every single thing that's happened...it'll bore you, and I can't be arsed to write it. I'm just going to go into what impressed me, and the more interesting....what bored the tits off me. So dear viewer.....read on.

Microsoft.

Microsoft bored the arse off of me. Starting off with a playthrough of a level from Modern Warfare 3 it started well. Starting with an underwater infiltration to take out a submarine, we saw the troops then storm the surfaced vessel, taking out a bunch of soldiers and then descending into said submarine to kill anyone breathing and take it out. Another level from MW3 was shown, where the mission was to take out a rader dish and then jump in a helicopter to take out some Hinds in a shootout in the sky. It looked hectic, in a Michael Bay -explosion-every-two-seconds kind of way, and a speedboat chase through an all out scrap with battleships and fighter jets impressed, but it's a case of Modern Warfare 2.5 than anything overly new. The new Tomb Raider reboot was shown which looked more than influenced by Uncharted, which is fair as I guess Uncharted is influenced by Tomb Raider, but the playable demo looked more like an interactive cut scene than a game. Still...early days....it's not out until next year. Mass Effect 3 was brought out, looking absolutely amazing, but the much touted Kinect compatibility, instead of doing something new like a Minority Report-style galaxy map you control with mere gestures, boiled down to shouting "Liara.....move up". You don't have to use Kinect with it, and thank fuck, as the game looked 1,000,000 better without it. Another game with Kinect slapped into it was Ghost Recon Future Soldier. With the POWER of Kinect you can assemble/disassemble guns with a wave of your hand, use voice commands to snap different parts into your gun, which went down well with the brain dead among the crowd, and generally look awkward when you try to actually play the game hands free. Ubisoft said all of their future Tom Clancy games will feature some kind of Kinect use.....and the gaming world let out a little tear.

343 Industries confirmed the rumour of a Halo: CE remake, which is a complete redoing of the first Halo game, with the option of original/remastered graphics, online campaign co-op and seven multiplayer maps all using the Reach engine. More details to follow, and even though i've played Halo several times, i'm looking forward to the remake. Kinect was featured heavily, with new Kinect sports games, a new Disney title where you can tour Disneyland and partake in mini games featuring all the characters you know and hate. I can't see it, but hey, if it means you get to tour Disneyworld without having to go to France it gets a thumbs up in my book! Kinect was heavily focused on, and they trotted out of of the usual embarrassing, tepid, lifeless, soul-sapping people on stage to demo the games, as forced fun as you can get. They showed the much talked about Star Wars Kinect, which I would have basically not shown. It looked nice, in a strange pre-rendered kind of way, and i'm sure budding young Jedi will love it, but the lag was awful. I fact, i;d go so far as to say it wasn't laggy, it looked like the guy who was demoing the game rehearsed it all before hand and his body forgot the lines. Fucking awful. Some other Kinect software was on show, some free software which will be available right now, the more interesting of which is where you can scan an item and it brings it to life, such as in the demo a women held up a comedy-faced backpack, which after scanning in the front and rear magically came to life. I expect there to be laughing, hopping dildos on Xboxes all over the world as we speak. They had loads of XBL related announcements, such as Youtube coming to XBL, Bing as well, Xbox TV, they are really going all out for a universal system under your TV. UFC's Dana White popped on stage to mumble something about UFC and Xbox Live, but Dana would turn up to the opening of a bag of crisps, so that's nothing new.

Microsoft ended with the confirmation that Halo 4 is on it's way, it's out next year, and it's the first in a whole new trilogy. Which of course is welcome, we all love a bit of Halo.

So that was Microsoft really. No surprises, no new IP, nothing apart from chucking Kinect down everyones throats and eye holes. What they needed to do with Kinect was get the core on board, and apart from a few voice commands, or molesting weapons in shooters they had nothing....No Panzer Dragoon, no Steel Battalion, nothing that shouted out "I NEED A KINECT!"

Microsoft conference rating: 5/10

Sony.

"Put on your 3D glasses.......put on your 3D glasses" barked the order at the start, and straight away I knew most of the Sony presser would go right over my head. A huge trailer for all things Sony played, and well...I guess you had to be there to appreciate it. Sony game an apology for the PSN downtime, basically telling all of their loyal customers they appreciate the support, and I thought they did well not to have a fucking powerpoint presentation about the whole thing....it happened, we dealt with it, this is what we have coming. Handled well I thought. Sony jumped straight in game-wise with Uncharted 3, and it didn't fail to impress. It looked like setting a new benchmark for in game visuals, with the scene playing out on a ship in a storm. The water and rain effects were literally jaw dropping, and the game itself looks like another welcome episode in the franchise. A new multiplayer game set in the E.V.E universe was presented, and was instantly lost on me. It just looked like a space Call of Duty, and looked a bit bland. SOny were touting 3D, and announced a new entry level 3D TV, capable of displaying 2 3D images at once for co-op gaming. I'd still argue that £500 for a 24" TV isn't exactly entry level, and i've still not been convinced that 3D gaming is anything but a fad. Loads of bollocks featuring Move was shown, the usual sports games, mini games.....yawn. inFamous 2 was trotted out, looking good, if generic. Bioshock infinate looked great, although i've never been a massive fan of the series, but if you are I can see why you would be creaming over the showing. They also showed Resistance 3, which is to the colour yellow what Gears of War is to the colour blue. They had some good news regarding exclusive content for their games, and the PS3 version of Battlefield 3 will come with a free copy of Battlefield 1943, which is welcome. Then they brought out the Playstation NGP, or as it is now officially know, the PSvita. Sounds like a low fat slimming biscuit to me, but hey ho. AT&T was announced as a broadband provider in the States, which drew some unexpected groans! The games, such as Uncharted looked good, but my thoughts on the PSvita haven't changed. Some people crave such a powerful handheld, I don't. I'm not that bothered about having a device as powerful as Skynet in my hands, but millions are, so i'm in the monority. However, at $249 for the wifi vita it'll sell shitloads, and puts it into the same price band as the 3DS. Your move Nintendo.

Sony conference rating: 7/10

So in my eyes Sony took it from Microsoft. New hardware in the form of PSvita, some great games, especially in the sublime Uncharted 3, some good exclusive content. Both were concentrating on their respective fields, such as Kinect, Move and 3D, and all of that guff bored me to tears. Microsoft failed utterly in getting me to think Kinect is a must have device, as did Sony with 3D/Move, and I think the lacklustre applause from the crowd backed up my fears.

So. It's all Nintendo's to win. They are going to have to be fucking abysmal not to take this E3.

I'll have a full report on Nintendo's conference later today.

Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.

What I want from E3 2011.

Well guys, it's almost that time again. The time we all get REAL giddy about new announcements, gaming sites clamour to out-rumour each other and we all sit in anticipation, awaiting the moment one gaming company delivers an announcement of Hiroshima-style proportion that see forum message boards collapse at the amount of fanboy-fury that is spewed out onto them. One of my favourite, FAVOURITE things in life happens when E3 hits, and that is fanboy rage. Now i'm no fanboy, I've been a multi-console owner from around the age of the NES/Master system, but I just love when a big company announces that one of their games, which used to be exclusive, will now be available on both systems. The rage, anger, frustrations and threats of boycotting company "X" have me almost pissing my pants with joy. Arguing over which is better, the Xbox 360 or Playstation 3, is like arguing over which of the Olsen twins you would rather screw.....whichever one you get you're going to have a great time. But if it were not for these announcements and fanboy rage, we wouldn't have videos like this one, featuring a complete and utter cretin who is so completely sexually dedicated to his PS3 he must have thought the recent PSN outage was just her having an extremely long digital period!



Just look on Youtube....the amount of people spouting the same bollocks as him is quite frightening.

Anyhoo. E3 is here next week. Runours are spilling out about what will be there, what won't be, and I for one would love to go. Maybe this time next year i'll be there, but as of now i'll just be trying to work out which live stream of the event isn't going to die as soon as I click "Watch now". I'm sure there will be a shitload of announcements over the few days that E3 is running, but the ones that I want to see follow right about under these words:

1. NO Kinect use in Mass Effect 3.

That's right, No Kinect use in the game at all. What I really want to see from Mass Effect 3 is some more of the RPG elements that made the first game so fun. I want to see half planet scanning/half planet exploring. I want to see the return of customisation to armour and weapons that was in the first, so scopes, rifle butts, all the stuff that made it actually fun to navigate a menu. However cool selecting your galactic destination with the point of a finger "Minority-Report" style may be, I don't want to see it. Why? Because it means i'll have to put my fucking hand in my pocket and actually buy one of the bloody things. If it has Kinect enabled features there is no way on earth that I will pass it by, and I don't usually have £100 lying about just to splash out on something. Of course, if some MS-working employee is reading this blog, i'd gladly take one for "review-purposes".

2. Nintendo to release something fucking "New" for their next console.

Yeah, it's going to be more powerful than the Xbox 360/PS3.....i'd fucking expect so for a new console. Their tech is what.....5 odd years old now? I'm expecting it to visually fuck my eyeballs to orgasm. The thing I want from Nintendo is some new games. Make a new Excitebike! Make a full 3D online Pokemon game. Something new. I already know what the fuck we'll have. Come on, it's Nintendo, it's not hard. "New even wider track edition of Mario Kart". "New same old Zelda game that looks better but plays the same as the god-damn tired last 4 games". "New Wii fit with brain training". "New Mario galaxy 3...this time with Fludd". "New old but new Pilotwings....set again on Wulu Island". All you Nintendo fans can cry all you like....but if you even DARE cheer as Shiggsy takes to the stage with sword and shield in hand and shows the same old Zelda game that looks "realistic" i'll personally stick the Hero Sword right up your arse crack. When Nintendo took a chance and made what is HANDS DOWN THE BEST 3D ZELDA GAME EVER......The Wind Waker....it showed Ninty at their best. If you make the new Zelda game look like it's characters are marionettes, with almost stop-motion animations and graphics then we will talk. Graphically tart up a 13-yr old game and you have lost me.

3. Nintendo to take advantage of the 3DS.

As simple as that. Get the devs on board and take the VR stuff, the camera, everything that makes it such a potentially devastating handheld and convince people that are sitting on the fence. You have created this glasses-free, 3D beast....now is the time to unleash it.

4. Sony NGP to bomb.

I shouldn't really say stuff like this, as I don't really hate anything. Well, that's a lie, I hate everything until it proves me otherwise. I just hate Sony's attitude when it comes to stuff like this. Nintendo show some kind of innovation when it comes to products....Sony's answer is to just chuck pure brute force and processing grunt at anything that comes it's way. And the NGP is yet another in the long, long list of Sony products that promised the earth when they make the initial announcement, and then quickly change when they realise how expensive/pointless that they are. Remember all that bollocks about the PS3 being able to render two-separate HD signals? Yeah me too. Never happened. This is the usual bollocks you get from Sony about a new console when it's ready to be released.



Remember all that shit in Warhawk? No, me neither. I do however, remember the time when I saw someone on my team glitching, having an epileptic fit as his head was wedged in a barn door. So from the dream, to reality.



That's be the "power" of the Cell eh, Bishop??

I don't want games on a handheld to be "as" powerful as my home consoles. That's why I play them at home. Handheld consoles are perfect for the bus, the train, for taking a big dump or something to play when the missus wants to watch "Britains got mentally challenged talent", and bite-sized, enjoyable games are perfect for that. Make something like the next Tetris and i'll plump in for the NGP. I'm never, EVER going to make a purchase is it's a continuation of the PSP. You have cameras on there, power, and that weird rubby panel on the back....INNOVATE YOU CRETINS!

5. A new Metal Gear game.

A new games in the Metal Gear series. That's all. Oh, and to confirm the rumour that Peace Walker will get a release on the PS3. I'll wank myself silly to any of the above.

6. Final Fantasy VII remake.

I'd actually prefer a remake of FF VI, as I think hands down it's the better game, with the greatest videogame bad guy in the history of digital entertainment. That will never happen, and what with the entire Final Fantasy almost begging Square/Enix to make this well, i'll have to say i'm with them. A few rules though. No voice acting, that is the first. No messing with the combat/materia system, probably more important. And next, just a visual upgrade. Do what you have to do for the world map or whatever, but DO NOT MAKE THE WHOLE FUCKING GAME 3D. Make each screen look like a bloody oil painting, make the characters 32,000,000,000 polygons each, I don't care, just keep the game as it is. Visual and aural upgrades...that is all. I mean really.......who wouldn't want to play this??



I thought not. I had an erection a mile high all of the way through watching that.

So that's my E3. Deliver all of that and i'll be very happy.

Well, that and the announcement that Gears of War is PS3 bound, or that FF VII is coming to the 360. THEN we will have an E3 to remember.

*Disclaimer. This is the opinion of Gamefreakblog. Any fanboy rage directed it me will firstly be welcomed, then laughed at. By all means let me know your thoughts. As always, they are greatly appreciated*