The Call of Duty king reporting for duty........

You read that headline right......the Call of Duty master, the big cheese, le grande fromage, the beast of the east, the cunt of Monte Cristo, the alpha and omega of Call of Duty is here!!

Unfortunately, he's just popped to the shops for some ciggys, so you'll have to put up with me instead. And a little video i've made for your perusal.

I make no secret about the fact i'm quite average on the Call of Duty games. I rarely come first in a game, and I rarely appear at the bottom.....I kind of lurk around in the middle of the scoreboard, occupying the no-man's land between being a hopeless numbskull who can't get to grips with the basics of a controller and the twitchy-fingered, eagle-eyed player that could shoot a virtual cigarette out of your avatar's mouth from across the map....arseholes that they are.

I couldn't give two shits about my kill/death ratio....and people that do are the ones that put me off playing the game. They bleat on about it down their headsets, shouting about how they are on "X Kill death ratio blah blah fucking blah" like there is a virtual Jenna Jameson listening in on the conversation ready to give them a great big virtual suck of their microscopic cocks the higher that ratio was. No, I don't care. I don't even know where to look for my kill death ratio i'm that bothered about it. And I don't want to know, so PLEASE don't get in touch telling me where to find it, i'll just ignore you.

However, I have had a few of your friendly lot ask me to do a Call of Duty vid. Probably just so you can laugh at my complete lack of skills, but anyway, you take your time out to read what I have to say, so fuck it, i'll do it.

Down below you'll find my first recorded game on COD Black ops. I joined into the game with expectations of what may happen, and my instincts didn't let me down. What we have is the same as what thousands of players the world over experience on a daily basis.....being pretty average at the game. I talk more in the video, so I don't want to waffle on too much, but rest assured if it's excitement, a score of over 80+ kills and adoration at my skill that you're looking for, check out some of the other 192, 483, 038 Black Ops videos that are on youtube.

However, I give you my word. I'll take the plunge, get the wallet-crippling DLC for the game and upload videos on a weekly basis. You may see some improvement in my skills, but I doubt it.

So, enjoy the vid. It's just down there.....




So there you go....a completely average game on Black ops. If that didn't bore the living shit out of you, like the vid, leave a comment and if your skills are somewhat on a par with mine, please feel free to drop me your gamertag or send me an invite so we can be decidedly average on the game with a crap team.

Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.