Friday, 1 April 2011

R.I.P Cliffy B 1975-2011

Like me, you're more than likely completely devastated having woken up to the sad, tragic news that Cliff Bleszinski, the force behind the Gears of Wars series and one of the leading lights in the gaming industry, passed away at the early hours of this morning. He was 35.

Cliff Bleszinski, or "Dude Huge" as his enemies called him, was a playful scamp. He brought a much needed injection of youth and humour into an industry that can be stale and boring. But it wasn't always this way for Cliff.

His early life was blighted by tragedy. A little known fact about Cliff was that he was born with an atrophied arm of a twin that never developed on his left side, and at school he was constantly teased, with bullies attempting to make him juggle with it. This exclusion by the other kids led him to turn insular, go into himself and create "imaginary" friends. When these imaginary friends also took the piss out of him, Cliff broke down. He started to go into the local woods near to where he lived, building little dens, lighting fires and strangling small animals. One day whilst playing in a local car park, Cliff was locked in, and he struggled to get out as he couldn't manage to get over a wall about chest high.....this event would subconsciously effect Cliff in all of his future work.

Cliff has his first taste of video games when he saw a local kid playing with a Gameboy. The child, seeing Cliff emerge from the woods covered in mouse guts, dropped the Gameboy allowing Cliffy to look at the console. As soon as he started to play he realised his future was in the games industry.

Early days in the gaming world were a struggle for Cliff. Starting off his career with Microsoft, his first job was being Steve Ballmer's wig. Finding this a bit easy, he was then passed around from office to office, making coffee, dishing out handjobs, and on special days he was allowed to sniff Bill Gates chair. Cliff, seeing this was going no-where, left the industry for the bright lights of Hollywood.

Acting also came hard to a young Cliff. He struggled to find any jobs at all, his first brake being on set on the X-men film, where he was Bryan Singer's chair. However, a maturing cliff soon saw himself landing better roles, with his highlight playing the part of a gay vegan waiter in the film "Grandma's boy"

Having cracked the acting world, a newly-confident Cliffy went back to his first love, the games industry. Having blown some very powerful people, Cliff could now start to call the shots. Slaving away for years, his labour of love being the Gears of War games and the recently released "Bulletstorm", Cliff was riding that wave when tragedy struck. In a phone call to a friend last night, a deranged Cliffy B was heard to shout "" and the line went dead. Rushing around to his apartment, Cliffy was found with his hands handcuffed behind his back, a bag on his head and a gold-plated replica Lancer stuck up his rear end.

The funeral service is being held this weekend, where Dude Huge himself will be shot into space. He leaves a loving family, a devastated games industry, and a blood-stained Lancer.

Cliff Bleszinski.......Who died today.


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